Sweet Like Cinnamon: *30 Days of Blogging* Day 6

This is one of the posts I wasn't looking forward to.

Like I mentioned before, I don't like showing my weaknesses. It's hard for me to break down that wall. I have always been like this.

The hardest thing I have ever experienced happened on August 22, 2011. It was my second week of school, and I was having an off day. I woke up grumpy, had a horrible hair day, got gum stuck to my brand new pants, and just didn't feel right.

I ended up leaving school early to change my pants and pout. I was not in a good mood.

I went to return some shoes with Parker and a friend, and on my way home, my dad called twice to see when I was going to be home. I didn't think anything of it, because normally he does that to tease me.

When I got home, I couldn't find my parents, so I walked around the house looking for them. My mom and dad came out of their room and I saw that my mom had been crying, and I looked at my dad and I saw his face was long and sad.

I automatically started crying and asked "What happened?" knowing something horrible has occurred. I immediately thought it was one of my grandparents, but she said they are okay.

My sister came in and sat down, Parker was outside telling our friend something is going on and he should head home. That's when we were told.

My Uncle Ryan passed away that afternoon.

My heart stopped.

I have never felt a pain greater than I did that day. I am sitting here reliving the moment and can't help but start to cry.

I hurt for my family. I hurt for my aunt. I hurt for my cousins. I hurt for my grandparents. I hurt for my mom. I hurt for my uncle. Just so much hurt and pain.

Parker came in the room and grabbed me and just held me. I couldn't even talk or move. I just fell over.

I don't want to go into all the details. The next week was just a blur. To cope with my loss, I dove into working on a scrapbook for my Aunt and cousins. I would wakeup, eat, and then work on it all day until about 2am. I felt like I should make it perfect to remember my uncle.

It's been almost a year and half since our loss. I have never been closer to my family. About 6 months after he passed, my Grandma Ruby fell and that's when her health declined. Our family bond had grown so strong, that it would have been so much harder when she passed in December. We are there for each other more, and make more of an effort to see and talk to each other. We cherish every moment.

On a happier note, there have been signs that my Uncle Ryan is still around. Those little moments are not eerie, scary or frightening. They are reassuring that he is looking out for us and he is still with us, just not in a physical form.

{call me crazy, but things have happened}

This post isn't written quite the way I want it to be, but it's raw and I don't feel like I should go back and try to edit things. Please, please, please, tell your family members you love them. Cancel unimportant plans to spend time with your family. Call or text them when you are thinking about them. You never know when one day they aren't there to answer.